I found out last week that my Aunt is dying. What we thought was pain from a fractured rib turned out to be bone cancer. In the last month it has progressed from a single shadow on a bone scan to seven or eight large masses in her bones, liver, and lungs.  Because aggressive treatment would only extend her life by a few months,  the oncologist recommended palliative care.

Thankfully I am between jobs for at least another month, because I am spending as much time as possible supporting my Uncle and Aunt during my Aunt’s dying process. Hospice is, of course, amazing. Within hours of the intake interview, the nurse had a hospital bed with a pressure-relieving air mattress, an O2 condenser, and other medical supplies arriving at the door. When my Aunt’s pain was bad, a nurse was here at ten o’clock at night to get her comfortable.

My Aunt has only weeks at this point. She no longer eats or drinks, and she sleeps most of the time now.  But she is comfortable, and wakes briefly to her name. After that first night, she is no longer in any pain.

All her adult children came to see her last weekend. It was pretty agonizing; even though last years strokes left her with cognitive deficits, my Aunt was pretty stable until a few weeks ago. As recently as Saturday, she was able to get out of bed (with maximum assistance) and sit in the living room with her children, but she hasn’t been out of bed since Sunday. 

Yesterday several of her friends stopped by, and she woke enough to smile and tell them she loved them. Even so close to death, she was able to make each of them feel special and loved. Today she is less responsive. She opened her eyes and smiled at me, but she hasn’t spoken to anyone today.

I keep myself distracted by cleaning the house, which hasn’t been done well since my aunt’s stroke. I cook for my uncle. I study (a little) for next week’s NCLEX. I am able to keep her clean and comfortable–I bathe her in bed, give her morphine around-the-clock, and read to her as she sleeps–but most of the time here is spend oscillating between boredom and despair.